I hate to break it to you like a
Kit Kat bar, but more often than not, reality television is either scripted or filmed in a particular way to make things seem differently than they are in actuality. It's kind of like professional wrestling. It may appear to the viewer that there are two oponents working against each other, but on the contrary, they are actually in cahoots! When it comes to reality television, many people find themselves pondering the idea of whether or not what they are witnessing is authentic.
Hakuna matata because the answer has finally arrived! Is it fake? Well, from now on, just refer to reality television as
Pamela Anderson because it's already gone
silicone.
After a long day, all I want to do is kick back in my
Lay-Z Boy recliner and wind down like a
broken clock. My fidgeting fingers navigate their way across the numbers of the
remote (except for the 3's and 8's because those numbers freak me out). I stumble upon
Dr. 90210, which showcases a countless number of cosmetic surgeries on a neverceasing list of people who don't even need it. At the sight of the first
tummy tuck, I gag and decide it's channel changing time. I find an episode of
Bridezilla, and the only vow I will ever make is to never be like one of those monsters.
Godzilla has nothing on them. Bridezillas are a species that would have all of Korea screaming longer than their mouths are actually moving. Just imagine if these two shows were to ever join forces. Oh, wait! You don't need to imagine because they've already collided.
Let's play a guessing game. I'll start you off with an easy one. What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell? An alarm cluck. Now, for a tougher one: What do you get when you combine a boob job with an engagement? I have faith that you'll think of the answer. Dr. 902zilla? As a
Grinch-like Jim Carrey would say, "Wrong-O!" You'd end up with a wonderful and completely sane new series known as
Bridalplasty. A kind of name that really does say it all.
When I saw the commercial for this show, I couldn't help but think "Holy pickles. This is not really happening." As if it wasn't bad enough that
Danielle Staub is having a spin off show, the reality television industry decides they also need to round up a bunch of psychotic brides-to-be and have them battle each other. Oh! Even more exciting and totally rational: the winner gets to be cut! Irony at its finest or no? It's official:
E! executives may need to be institutionalized. I know there's that exclamation point after the E to let you know that it's a wild and rowdy channel (yes, some grammatical devices can talk to you), but have they completely gone
Ty Pennington and loosened some screws?! I can see this whole thing going over really well with the public. [Insert Sarcasm Here]
Already, there has been tremendous back fat...oops! I mean backlash...about the upcoming series, and I must say, I strongly stand on that side of the opinion line as well. What is this show really going to unveil upon viewers? As we all are perfectly aware, the media loves to make women-young, old, and in between-unable to happily look at themselves in the mirror. This show is obviously a step in the right direction towards solving that problem. [More Sarcasm] I am more than concerned about how this is going to further affect women. I know there are plenty of shows out there that are just as terrible in that sense, but this one cuts right to the chase and augments its message to say "You cannot be fully loved until you are nipped and tucked to the point of virtual physical perfection."
The future brides have to savagely run wild like a pack of
wildebeests hoping to acquire a new set of wilde
breasts while the husbands are probably sitting back and clapping their hands in giddy excitement hoping for a cat fight. That was really stereotypical of me, right? Well, that's exactly what the show is, so I tried to get into the same mindset. The more important question I have is this: Are they fruit loops?! Who is going to honestly sit down to watch brides-to-be fighting like a herd of
rhinos to win some free
rhinoplasty? The apocolypse really must be approaching because I believed that the day I'd witness this kind of nonsense on my television screen would mark the end of the world. Hopefully, they at least show the wedding of the winning bride, just to see if she pops an implant at the alter. If I were her, I'd make sure the first dance is to "
Thriller," so if her nose falls off, she can just say she was channeling the spirit of Michael Jackson.
